Helpless (Steel Demons MC Book 5) by Crystal Ash

Author:Crystal Ash [Ash, Crystal]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-08-27T16:00:00+00:00

Seventeen

SHADOW

I wanted to stay alert on the road, so I only took half of a sleeping pill. The fire died down not long after Mariposa went into her tent for the night. Like me, the guys preferred sleeping under the stars. Unlike me, the world around them went dark at night, and they kept solar lanterns on low power nearby so they could still have some sight if needed.

I dozed off for a couple of hours, waking up with a start and my heart pounding. Looking around quickly, my surroundings told me whether or not I went “ape-shit” in my sleep again, as Jandro put it.

Much to my relief, everything was in place and the others were still in their bedrolls. Even after Mariposa started me on the pills, I’d wake up paranoid that I’d destroyed my room again, or worse, hurt someone. So far it hadn’t happened, but overnight rides like this made me nervous about it. That was why I also made drinks before bed, to knock out my subconscious a little more.

Anything to keep the monster at bay.

Mariposa alluded that I needed to confront the source of my nightmares in order to be truly free from them. That I should talk to a brain doctor when I was ready. The thing was, I wasn’t sure if I, or a doctor, would survive the full brunt of what lurked inside me.

Taking a pill, having a few drinks. That was an easy solution I felt comfortable with.

I went to the fire pit and knelt down to blow on some embers. Just enough heat to make some coffee would suffice. Carefully disassembling Grudge’s meat spit, I replaced it with a grate and a metal percolator.

Something caught my eye just past our camp as I waited for my coffee to heat up. Several bright white things, roughly shaped like stars, stood out against the muted tones of the landscape. I squinted over the fire, my hand drifting to my holster as I saw more of them emerge slowly out of apparently nothing. They seemed to cluster on rocks or tree trunks, dozens of them in one place.

A memory struck me like a fist to the chest, one buried under years of loss, loneliness, and so much blood.

But this one didn’t hurt. This one didn’t send me spiraling into darkness and fear. The memory surfaced like a seedling breaking through the soil. It was from that time, but I was still here. I was okay, and witnessing something I never thought I’d have the chance to see again.

“…Shadow, is that you?”

I turned to see Mariposa halfway out of her tent, rubbing her eyes.

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

“No, I’m just a light sleeper out here, and woke up smelling coffee this time.” She grinned sleepily, making my chest ache. I wanted to hug her to me again, to feel her head resting over my heart. “What are you doing up?”

“I only took half a pill because I wanted to be alert. It’ll be dawn in a few hours anyway.

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